lukewarm

“Ah, it’s lukewarm.” Not a sigh left to squeeze

Half of Time left unread, the rest still wrapped

In mailed paper crumpled from being disused

Well, at least it was stored for next time

 

Uncorrected papers filed tidily

Some in growing piles of anxiety

That sits unfelt behind the slick blue screen

As I scroll thinking thumb disengaged eyes

 

Sheaves of incomplete notes organic ch-

A laptop sandwiched between papers

This timed practice I skipped out on, again

Disorganised temp scrawls unrecognized

 

lukewarm, this score of AABDA

All earned without effort whaddaya say

Except I do need effort and hard work

Blind me, no deed will ever be easy

 

I see mental breakdowns over at-risk

Cutting, crying versus chauffeur, tuition

Stress, like grades, normally distributed

Then is this really meritocracy?

 

Hard work, late nights, skipped lunch got you an E

It came easy to me, an A, and I

Cried over a B, while you pray that U

Could turn into a D, or E, or S

 

My eagle award gave me war flashbacks

To all those times I’ve sniped back, slept in class,

Skived off, used mobile, condescendingly –

This, this was a girl of good character

 

It’s lukewarm, this era of meritocracy

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